life or death

in 1989, i developed an acute fear of death
because that's what people do
at the age
of enlightenment
to the fact
that this precious life ends

i couldn't bear to leave the house
obsessed about eternity
eternally
because
death happens
and no one knows what it means
but why not believe in heaven?
why not believe in rebirth?
reincarnation?
reinvention?

my most tragic memories:
a tornado hitting my school
lightning striking our house
getting the phone call that makes everything cease:
family members in wreck, helicoptered to hospital

i'm lucky
to have avoided intimacy with sudden death
except for my childhood kitties,
spice and peppy,
who died before their time
under the wheels of fast cars
and tiki, the first chihuahua,
her delicate bones crushed by accident

now, buddha challenges me to ponder life and death
in a new and ordinary way
to contemplate the bardo realms
and compassionately wish for freedom from suffering
for all beings
no exceptions
to meditate on impermanence
and to know death
all while staying present
and living most fully