A Bent Desire

I am different,
I see beyond the scheme that society puts before me.
Love is love, no matter who it is directed to, isn't it?
there's people telling me it's not that way,
they tell me it's wrong,
they tell me that we're meant to love the opposite
but what if we're tired of being misunderstood?
what if we want someone who fully understands us?
why is it wrong?
this concept has existed since the beginning of time,
we've existed since the beginning of time
feeling attracted to anyone from our species.
who are you to tell me I'm not allowed to love who I want to love?
who are you to tell me I'm not allowed to dress how I want to dress?
who are you to tell me that I am abnormal, a freak of nature?
EXACTLY... NO ONE
how am I disgusting?
how am I less?
how am I abnormal?
how are you better?
it is my right to be happy
I'm happy this way
just let me be
that's all I ever asked for,
maybe even a bit of understanding
a bit of comprehension, might help.
why give me dirty looks for what I am?
why not treat me the same for what I'm not?
believe me, it's easier to pretend
but why should I apologize for who I am?
I am just fine the way I am
and I'm not changing because of people like you
I can love who ever I want  and NO ONE will stop me.
It's my decision to take;
it's my move to make
it's my choice and YOU have nothing to do with it.

~By L.S., age 14

sound advice

Surround yourself with
People who motivate you
People who inspire you
People who acknowledge you
People who support your desires
And people who love you!

Stay away from
People who are jealous
People who are negative
People who blame others
And people who make light of your dreams

Surround yourself with
enlightened people who will
help you soar above your
perceived limitations and
inspire you to the success
you so rightly deserve!

-author unknown

Worst First Date

Marin County on a Saturday night
Inside his house,
a stench
Yellowish light
Exposed pipes and floorboards
Glimpsed the reflection in the mirror
Startled
He described himself as sexually frustrated
"I'm sorry. Have you thought about a hooker?"
"No way, I'm not gonna spend a hundred bucks for a night on that.
Not anymore."
I suggest therapy.
Check please!

Thanks

I am grateful for each inspiration, each intake of air, beat of heart, firing of neuron.

I give thanks for sweet exhalation, soft sighs, guttural giggles, 

for beloved blood brothers and soul sisters. 

I am grateful for the past: the moment of conception, the tornado of childhood, 

the angst-ridden decade (RIP 1995-2005), for Austin swimming, London calling, 

California dreaming and India, period. 

I am grateful for the unknowable future. 

What fearsome, exhilarating possibilities it offers daily! 

I give thanks for the present of the present: a cozy bed, a loyal friend, a good book, 

a passion for compassion. 

I am grateful for Guatemala: guns and gardens and new friends. 

I especially thank all the true gurus and Buddhas 

selflessly working for the liberation of all beings. 

With overwhelming gratitude, I give thanks.

What I Was, Who I Am

I used to be happy. Now I am happier.

I used to be a brave Indian, a dinosaur, a cougar, a dragon, a longhorn and a soaring eagle.

Now I’m a little fish in a stream of consciousness.

I used to teach yoga, but now I remind people to breathe.

I used to teach little children, now I teach big children.

I used to live in Texas, now I live on Earth.

I used to be a cookie. Now I am a monster.

I used to practice positive thinking. Now I expect nothing.

I used to affirm things and plan my life through 2020. 

Now I strive to live each moment as it comes.

I used to be a self-help book, now I am an epic poem.

I used to love deaf, dumb and blind men, now I love my dog.

I used to sell, now I have soul.

I used to sail, twirl, plea, battle and do ballet. 

Now I am.

eight things i know for sure.

there are a few things i know for sure, and one of them is that i am not enlightened, yet.

one of them is that yoga is not optional.

one of them is that i do not belong in texas right now.

one of them is not what's happening tonight, this december, or in 2012.

there are a few things i know for sure, and one of them is that learning your native language takes a lifetime.

one of them is that i go to extremes.

one of them is that we all have friends in high places.

one of them is that, somehow, the universe is unfolding as it should.

libro, libra, libre

LIBRO

{Spanish for book}

As in letter and spaces

strung together

to slip a story

under your skin.

Voy a escribir un libro.

I am going to write a book.

Pronto.

LIBRA

{Spanish for pound}

As in unit of weight

measurement of mass in the nonmetric system

Not that I own a scale

Or want to step on one.

But, oh, to shed the shackles of chub

to do shoulderstand without staring

at my ginormous gut

this will be bliss.

Discipline and a vision

are all it takes

good thing that's what I gots.

30 by 30

30 libras by may 30, my 30th.

LIBRE

{Spanish for free}

As in liberated

from a story struggling to be sung

for untold eons

liberated from excess baggage

in the abdominal, thigh and chin regions

liberated from anxious contemplation

over regrets and old shoulds

liberated from forever leaning

into the mirage of the future

liberated from suffering

when I embrace the paradise

of aquí,

ahora.

sunday thoughts

with crisp sighs

i admire the grace of a falling leaf

the satisfaction of black text filling a white page

the ant pacing in circles across my screen

forgotten favorite tracks from under the table and dreaming

my creaky knees and hips

i wander the neighborhood

lucy trails behind me

some days i greet everyone on the street

"¡buenos dias!" / "¡buenas tardes!"

today i hide behind oversized shades

and purse my lips and stare ahead

my horoscope tells me today is a five star day

for meeting someone new and special

but i am in an antisocial phase

so i go to a cafe and read

alone and content

unnoticed by a gaggle of gay guys

at the next table

read tarot at kat's palace on the hill

high thoughts despite utter sobriety

how strange it is to be living this reality

i hadn't fathomed a year ago

it's easy to get negative

absorb chismes like an IV into the bloodstream

the violencia, the poverty, the corruption

i take a step back

and realize that my guatemalan life is generally

blessed, exquisite, easy, ideal

of course i hope for visitors

no one in my family has a passport yet

everyone expresses interest

but who has the time?

embers of septembers

1991

eleven

dad's 39th birthday

yellow cake in a yellow kitchen

a kodak moment

i was consumed with worry

that my dad was getting so old,

so near death

silly girl

1999

nineteen

off to london, alone

sans luggage

the texan, ever looking up

at the grey blue british skies

unknowingly growing into herself

2001

UT sophomore

clock radio blares news

as alien as a martian invasion

new york on fire, buildings crumbling

a global gasp of fear

our nation cries itself to sleep

2004

landed smack dab back in the heart of texas

spiritually wayward

post-californian apocalype

dejected, confused boredom

2009

my peers are starting to turn thirty

enjoying marriage and family and suburban pleasures

while i wander

(but am not lost)

living the dream in guate

Short, poignant reflections from NYT contributors on the events of Sept. 11, 2001, eight years on.

secret service

the grass is always greener
outside institutional walls

i never thought i'd say
i miss IEPs* and ARDs
(okay, maybe not ARDs**)

i fled a land of red tape,
slow impact, mountains of shredded paper
being legally bound to mediocrity
and awoke in a spineless environment of
hush-hush contradictions
where i am to leave no paper trail
but disseminate sensitive information
via secret, psychic code

my goal is to tear down the wall
of feared stigmas and passive assistance
to declare special services need not be secret services
to map a balance between too much and not enough
ultimately, to do a good job
for the liberation of all students,
whatever their labels.

*IPG = Individualized Education Plan, a legally required document for each student eligible for Special Education services in the US public education system
**ARD = Admission/Retention/Dismissal meetings featuring discussion of the IEP, goals, progress, testing accommodations and other delightful data