by Michelle Fajkus
You are loyal like the sun
You see the leaves
Moonlit ripples
Hungry minnows
Lightning in the distance
Past the green mountains
Growth is where we overlap
Sprout with giggles; fail with intensity
Soaking up the details
A lizard scampering across the path
Bright and tiny yellow wildflowers
A white blanket with red doves
Candles flickering in a watery cave
We are content to sit
In a jade pool
Water rushing over our legs forever
Abandoning petty stresses
Inhaling presence
As we slip into the future
Smart and clueless
With the wisdom of three decades
Sadness passes
Joy lies under the water
We sit
And then move
Toward no destination
At all times
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
A Bent Desire
I am different,
I see beyond the scheme that society puts before me.
Love is love, no matter who it is directed to, isn't it?
there's people telling me it's not that way,
they tell me it's wrong,
they tell me that we're meant to love the opposite
but what if we're tired of being misunderstood?
what if we want someone who fully understands us?
why is it wrong?
this concept has existed since the beginning of time,
we've existed since the beginning of time
feeling attracted to anyone from our species.
who are you to tell me I'm not allowed to love who I want to love?
who are you to tell me I'm not allowed to dress how I want to dress?
who are you to tell me that I am abnormal, a freak of nature?
EXACTLY... NO ONE
how am I disgusting?
how am I less?
how am I abnormal?
how are you better?
it is my right to be happy
I'm happy this way
just let me be
that's all I ever asked for,
maybe even a bit of understanding
a bit of comprehension, might help.
why give me dirty looks for what I am?
why not treat me the same for what I'm not?
believe me, it's easier to pretend
but why should I apologize for who I am?
I am just fine the way I am
and I'm not changing because of people like you
I can love who ever I want and NO ONE will stop me.
It's my decision to take;
it's my move to make
it's my choice and YOU have nothing to do with it.
~By L.S., age 14
I see beyond the scheme that society puts before me.
Love is love, no matter who it is directed to, isn't it?
there's people telling me it's not that way,
they tell me it's wrong,
they tell me that we're meant to love the opposite
but what if we're tired of being misunderstood?
what if we want someone who fully understands us?
why is it wrong?
this concept has existed since the beginning of time,
we've existed since the beginning of time
feeling attracted to anyone from our species.
who are you to tell me I'm not allowed to love who I want to love?
who are you to tell me I'm not allowed to dress how I want to dress?
who are you to tell me that I am abnormal, a freak of nature?
EXACTLY... NO ONE
how am I disgusting?
how am I less?
how am I abnormal?
how are you better?
it is my right to be happy
I'm happy this way
just let me be
that's all I ever asked for,
maybe even a bit of understanding
a bit of comprehension, might help.
why give me dirty looks for what I am?
why not treat me the same for what I'm not?
believe me, it's easier to pretend
but why should I apologize for who I am?
I am just fine the way I am
and I'm not changing because of people like you
I can love who ever I want and NO ONE will stop me.
It's my decision to take;
it's my move to make
it's my choice and YOU have nothing to do with it.
~By L.S., age 14
Monday, March 22, 2010
sound advice
Surround yourself with
People who motivate you
People who inspire you
People who acknowledge you
People who support your desires
And people who love you!
Stay away from
People who are jealous
People who are negative
People who blame others
And people who make light of your dreams
Surround yourself with
enlightened people who will
help you soar above your
perceived limitations and
inspire you to the success
you so rightly deserve!
-author unknown
People who motivate you
People who inspire you
People who acknowledge you
People who support your desires
And people who love you!
Stay away from
People who are jealous
People who are negative
People who blame others
And people who make light of your dreams
Surround yourself with
enlightened people who will
help you soar above your
perceived limitations and
inspire you to the success
you so rightly deserve!
-author unknown
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Worst First Date
Marin County on a Saturday night
Inside his house,
a stench
Yellowish light
Exposed pipes and floorboards
Glimpsed the reflection in the mirror
Startled
He described himself as sexually frustrated
"I'm sorry. Have you thought about a hooker?"
"No way, I'm not gonna spend a hundred bucks for a night on that.
Not anymore."
I suggest therapy.
Check please!
Inside his house,
a stench
Yellowish light
Exposed pipes and floorboards
Glimpsed the reflection in the mirror
Startled
He described himself as sexually frustrated
"I'm sorry. Have you thought about a hooker?"
"No way, I'm not gonna spend a hundred bucks for a night on that.
Not anymore."
I suggest therapy.
Check please!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Thanks
I am grateful for each inspiration, each intake of air, beat of heart, firing of neuron.
I give thanks for sweet exhalation, soft sighs, guttural giggles,
for beloved blood brothers and soul sisters.
I am grateful for the past: the moment of conception, the tornado of childhood,
the angst-ridden decade (RIP 1995-2005), for Austin swimming, London calling,
California dreaming and India, period.
I am grateful for the unknowable future.
What fearsome, exhilarating possibilities it offers daily!
I give thanks for the present of the present: a cozy bed, a loyal friend, a good book,
a passion for compassion.
I am grateful for Guatemala: guns and gardens and new friends.
I especially thank all the true gurus and Buddhas
selflessly working for the liberation of all beings.
With overwhelming gratitude, I give thanks.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
What I Was, Who I Am
I used to be happy. Now I am happier.
I used to be a brave Indian, a dinosaur, a cougar, a dragon, a longhorn and a soaring eagle.
Now I’m a little fish in a stream of consciousness.
I used to teach little children, now I teach big children.
I used to live in Texas, now I live on Earth.
I used to be a cookie. Now I am a monster.
I used to practice positive thinking. Now I expect nothing.
I used to affirm things and plan my life through 2020.
Now I strive to live each moment as it comes.
I used to be a self-help book, now I am an epic poem.
I used to love deaf, dumb and blind men, now I love my dog.
I used to sell, now I have soul.
I used to sail, twirl, plea, battle and do ballet.
Now I am.
eight things i know for sure.
there are a few things i know for sure, and one of them is that i am not enlightened, yet.
one of them is that yoga is not optional.
one of them is that i do not belong in texas right now.
one of them is not what's happening tonight, this december, or in 2012.
there are a few things i know for sure, and one of them is that learning your native language takes a lifetime.
one of them is that i go to extremes.
one of them is that we all have friends in high places.
one of them is that, somehow, the universe is unfolding as it should.
libro, libra, libre
{Spanish for book}
As in letter and spaces
strung together
to slip a story
under your skin.
Voy a escribir un libro.
I am going to write a book.
Pronto.
LIBRA
{Spanish for pound}
As in unit of weight
measurement of mass in the nonmetric system
Not that I own a scale
Or want to step on one.
But, oh, to shed the shackles of chub
to do shoulderstand without staring
at my ginormous gut
this will be bliss.
Discipline and a vision
are all it takes
good thing that's what I gots.
30 by 30
30 libras by may 30, my 30th.
LIBRE
{Spanish for free}
As in liberated
from a story struggling to be sung
for untold eons
liberated from excess baggage
in the abdominal, thigh and chin regions
liberated from anxious contemplation
over regrets and old shoulds
liberated from forever leaning
into the mirage of the future
liberated from suffering
when I embrace the paradise
of aquÃ,
ahora.
sunday thoughts
with crisp sighs
i admire the grace of a falling leaf
the satisfaction of black text filling a white page
the ant pacing in circles across my screen
forgotten favorite tracks from under the table and dreaming
my creaky knees and hips
i wander the neighborhood
lucy trails behind me
some days i greet everyone on the street
"¡buenos dias!" / "¡buenas tardes!"
today i hide behind oversized shades
and purse my lips and stare ahead
my horoscope tells me today is a five star day
for meeting someone new and special
but i am in an antisocial phase
so i go to a cafe and read
alone and content
unnoticed by a gaggle of gay guys
at the next table
read tarot at kat's palace on the hill
high thoughts despite utter sobriety
how strange it is to be living this reality
i hadn't fathomed a year ago
it's easy to get negative
absorb chismes like an IV into the bloodstream
the violencia, the poverty, the corruption
i take a step back
and realize that my guatemalan life is generally
blessed, exquisite, easy, ideal
of course i hope for visitors
no one in my family has a passport yet
everyone expresses interest
but who has the time?
embers of septembers
1991
eleven
dad's 39th birthday
yellow cake in a yellow kitchen
a kodak moment
i was consumed with worry
that my dad was getting so old,
so near death
silly girl
1999
nineteen
off to london, alone
sans luggage
the texan, ever looking up
at the grey blue british skies
unknowingly growing into herself
2001
UT sophomore
clock radio blares news
as alien as a martian invasion
new york on fire, buildings crumbling
a global gasp of fear
our nation cries itself to sleep
2004
landed smack dab back in the heart of texas
spiritually wayward
post-californian apocalype
dejected, confused boredom
2009
my peers are starting to turn thirty
enjoying marriage and family and suburban pleasures
while i wander
(but am not lost)
living the dream in guate
secret service
the grass is always greener
outside institutional walls
i never thought i'd say
i miss IEPs* and ARDs
(okay, maybe not ARDs**)
i fled a land of red tape,
slow impact, mountains of shredded paper
being legally bound to mediocrity
and awoke in a spineless environment of
hush-hush contradictions
where i am to leave no paper trail
but disseminate sensitive information
via secret, psychic code
my goal is to tear down the wall
of feared stigmas and passive assistance
to declare special services need not be secret services
to map a balance between too much and not enough
ultimately, to do a good job
for the liberation of all students,
whatever their labels.
*IPG = Individualized Education Plan, a legally required document for each student eligible for Special Education services in the US public education system
**ARD = Admission/Retention/Dismissal meetings featuring discussion of the IEP, goals, progress, testing accommodations and other delightful data
outside institutional walls
i never thought i'd say
i miss IEPs* and ARDs
(okay, maybe not ARDs**)
i fled a land of red tape,
slow impact, mountains of shredded paper
being legally bound to mediocrity
and awoke in a spineless environment of
hush-hush contradictions
where i am to leave no paper trail
but disseminate sensitive information
via secret, psychic code
my goal is to tear down the wall
of feared stigmas and passive assistance
to declare special services need not be secret services
to map a balance between too much and not enough
ultimately, to do a good job
for the liberation of all students,
whatever their labels.
*IPG = Individualized Education Plan, a legally required document for each student eligible for Special Education services in the US public education system
**ARD = Admission/Retention/Dismissal meetings featuring discussion of the IEP, goals, progress, testing accommodations and other delightful data
One for the Road
why leave?
why stay?
it is what it is
time for a stretch
a breath of different air
a vacation from my problems
which are few
but what is the goal?
only to drop everything
and sail along
as the heart grows fonder
and experience
blossoms into wisdom
by Michelle Fajkus, August 2009
why stay?
it is what it is
time for a stretch
a breath of different air
a vacation from my problems
which are few
but what is the goal?
only to drop everything
and sail along
as the heart grows fonder
and experience
blossoms into wisdom
by Michelle Fajkus, August 2009
This Guatemalan Life
i heard
a man was murdered
yesterday afternoon
at pollo campero
(the guatemalan KFC)
mere blocks from my new home
it was appparently a hit
aim, shoot, drive away never to be caught
except by the killer's own conscience
should he have one
the victim drove a BMW
he might have been a drug dealer
i guess it doesn't matter
i sent him a prayer last night
as i cooked my first meal on our new stove
until that moment
having opted not to seek out local news
i'd tried to hope that maybe
no one had been killed since my arrival
that my good karma had obliterated violent crime
miraculously
it was a silly notion
i didn't really believe it
i haven't a clue about anything
indigenous mayan oppression eons old
scandals and mafias and blood and bulletholes
meanwhile, here i dwell in my cushy new abode
buying kitchen gadgets and laundry detergent
spending quetzales like monopoly money
ever connected to my beloveds via the world wide web
marveling at the trees and tropical flora
buenas, buenas! everyone says
and smiles wide
perhaps the prospect of imminent, random death
makes one appreciate each moment that much more
Buoyancy by Rumi
Love has taken away my practices
and filled me with poetry.
I tried to keep quietly repeating
No strength but yours,
but I couldn't.
I had to clap and sing.
I used to be respectable and chaste and stable
but who can stand in this strong wind
and remember those things?
A mountain keeps an echo deep inside itself.
That's how I hold your voice.
I am scrap wood thrown in your fire,
and quickly reduced to smoke.
I saw you and became empty.
This emptiness, more beautiful than existence,
it obliterates existence, and yet when it comes,
existence thrives and creates more existence!
The sky is blue. The world is a blind man
squatting on the road.
A great soul hides like Muhammad, or Jesus,
moving through a crowd in a city
where no one knows him.
To praise is to praise
how one surrenders
to the emptiness.
To praise the sun is to praise your own eyes.
Praise, the ocean. What we say, a little ship.
So the sea-journey goes on, and who knows where!
Just to be held by the ocean is the best luck
we could have. It's a total waking up!
Why should we grieve that we've been sleeping?
It doesn't matter how long we've been unconscious.
We're groggy, but let the guilt go.
Feel the motions of tenderness
around you, the buoyancy.
{thanks to my dear, sweet friends, Michael and Daniel, for their amazingly thoughtful gift of The Essential Rumi poetry collection. This was the 2nd poem I flipped to. It was too beautiful and timely to ignore.}
scrambled eggs and tears
Cooling everything off
Covering Austin in a mist of relief
From the steaming concrete
There's nothing like a good thunderstorm
There's no place like home
I am crying too
I am grasping, clutching and then letting go
I have five weeks left here
All it takes is a sad song and some raindrops
And thinking about leaving
This place I love and these people I love
Jumping off into the unknown
(Which will surely be a mind-expanding adventure)
I think of breakfast tacos and night swims and Alamo movies and yoga classes and my cozy little casita
How lucky I am
So close to my dear friends and parents and siblings
The thought of leaving is surreal, and when it hits me, I lose it
I cry with premature nostalgia
It feels good to sob a little though,
To know that I am in touch with my emotions
To mourn the home I have created in this city that I love
And trust that it will be here for me
Upon my eventual return.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
In trust we trust
open your heart
be willing to fall
live in your weakest areas
don't miss your life
be there for it
be here for it
don't change the channel
reach out
rotate inward
don't think about it
have patience
the answer will come
life is here to give us experiences that teach us
so-
what more is there to do but
trust?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
A Farewell to India
A long month, in the best way
in India, land of contradictions
where the holy and the material
the sacred and the filthy
the worshipped and the untouchables
are all neighbours
Absurd traffic
ubiquitous cow dung
black staring eyes
a hundred angry languages
hungry, barefoot children tugging at your sleeve
shopkeepers unabashedly ripping off the white folks
Fast, green rivers
stoic, wise mountains
wide smiles, greetings for all
namaste!
jule!
tashi delek!
Along the path, I've encountered
swamis wrapped in orange
south Indian self-proclaimed masters of meditation
old Indian women who spit loudly and talk openly at a silent retreat
new friends from Holland, Spain, Germany, America
travel mates from Israel, Australia, Canada
an old lover from Texas
Tibetan monks
Tibetan laypeople
Hindus, Muslims, Christians, atheists
and true yogis
The enlightenment is subtle
no great awakening
but many small pearls of wisdom
Travel does that to you,
no matter where you go
broadens the mind
narrows the focus
right down to the present moment
the exotic or the mundane
the foreign or familiar
happiness is right here.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
the poetry of sarah palin
on Good and evil
It is obvious to me
Who the good guys are in this one
And who the bad guys are.
The bad guys are the ones
Who say Israel is a stinking corpse,
And should be wiped off
The face of the earth.
That’s not a good guy.
on Reporters
It’s funny that
A comment like that
Was kinda made to,
I don’t know,
You know…
Reporters.
To Katie Couric, CBS News, 9-25-2008
========
you can’t Blink
You can’t blink.
You have to be wired
In a way of being
So committed to the mission,
The mission that we’re on,
Reform of this country,
And victory in the war,
You can’t blink.
So I didn’t blink.
outside
I am a Washington outsider.
I mean,
Look at where you are.
I’m a Washington outsider.
I do not have those allegiances
To the power brokers,
To the lobbyists.
We need someone like that.
challenge to a cynic
You are a cynic.
Because show me where
I have ever said
That there’s absolute proof
That nothing that man
Has ever conducted
Or engaged in,
Has had any effect,
Or no effect,
On climate change.
To Charles Gibson, ABC News, 9-11-2008
========
Haiku
These corporations.
Today it was AIG,
Important call, there.
Befoulers of the Verbiage
It was an unfair attack on the verbiage
That Senator McCain chose to use,
Because the fundamentals,
As he was having to explain afterwards,
He means our workforce.
He means the ingenuity of the American.
And of course that is strong,
And that is the foundation of our economy.
So that was an unfair attack there,
Again based on verbiage.
Small Mayors
You know,
Small mayors,
Mayors of small towns—
Quote, unquote—
They‘re on the front lines.
To Sean Hannity, Fox News, 9-19-2008
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
underwater goddess
stand at the edge
gaze at the water
flutter butterflies
second-guess
inhale deeply
plunge
dive
gasp
marvel
baptize
wash away corporate sins
propel
amplify
breathe
be alone with the unnamable source
transform
swim!
Ode to Eagle River
Here I awake with a joyous breath
And drift to sleep in peaceful rest
A choir of pines and aspens sing
Their great strong trunks ever towering
Mr. Blue Heron glides across the satin lake
His perfect neck curved like a snake
Even if you wanted to fret or worry
The loons would say slow down, don't hurry
Audrey writes poems in sweet, thoughtful rhyme
And peruses my prose with her wise, kind eye
With books in hand to the pier we walk
Ever engaged in placid picnic talk
So little to do, so much to say
With long missed friends the day whiles away
We swim and lounge in a sunset snapshot
As if unearthed from an ancient treasure spot
The leaves turn lime in the fading sun
When did doing nothing become so much fun?
With effortlessness in the brisk summer air
These sacred north woods are a true yogi's lair
Spontaneous union of the self and nature
All elements combine to make the mind most clear
Oh Aldridge Lake, oh Audrey, oh Skip
I could not have fathomed a more ideal trip
If I could dwell here for the rest of time
I think that would be absolutely sublime
life or death
in 1989, i developed an acute fear of death
because that's what people do
at the age
of enlightenment
to the fact
that this precious life ends
i couldn't bear to leave the house
obsessed about eternity
eternally
because
death happens
and no one knows what it means
but why not believe in heaven?
why not believe in rebirth?
reincarnation?
reinvention?
my most tragic memories:
a tornado hitting my school
lightning striking our house
getting the phone call that makes everything cease:
family members in wreck, helicoptered to hospital
i'm lucky
to have avoided intimacy with sudden death
except for my childhood kitties,
spice and peppy,
who died before their time
under the wheels of fast cars
and tiki, the first chihuahua,
her delicate bones crushed by accident
now, buddha challenges me to ponder life and death
in a new and ordinary way
to contemplate the bardo realms
and compassionately wish for freedom from suffering
for all beings
no exceptions
to meditate on impermanence
and to know death
all while staying present
and living most fully
because that's what people do
at the age
of enlightenment
to the fact
that this precious life ends
i couldn't bear to leave the house
obsessed about eternity
eternally
because
death happens
and no one knows what it means
but why not believe in heaven?
why not believe in rebirth?
reincarnation?
reinvention?
my most tragic memories:
a tornado hitting my school
lightning striking our house
getting the phone call that makes everything cease:
family members in wreck, helicoptered to hospital
i'm lucky
to have avoided intimacy with sudden death
except for my childhood kitties,
spice and peppy,
who died before their time
under the wheels of fast cars
and tiki, the first chihuahua,
her delicate bones crushed by accident
now, buddha challenges me to ponder life and death
in a new and ordinary way
to contemplate the bardo realms
and compassionately wish for freedom from suffering
for all beings
no exceptions
to meditate on impermanence
and to know death
all while staying present
and living most fully
nueva york city
a full parade of days
walking in the shadows of the empire
snow falling on cement
bustle and thrill morphed into agitation and aching arches
there's no place like home but
there's really no place like new york:
the frenzy of a billion heartbeats
and brain waves and conversations
the lives of the poor and famous intersecting underground
didn't make it above 42nd street
but it's okay
yoga was an asylum
from the speedy mind
always seeking what's next
where next, who next
scarcely able to complete one thought
before the next waterfall of people
cascade down the stairwell
and vie for their lives on the crosswalk
made new friends and kept the old
meditated in manhattan
basked in the relative calm in brooklyn
powered through brunches and shops and times square
ate systematically from every delicious cuisine possible
i do love this city
i did enjoy this spring break immensely
i am ready to return to my quiet little corner of the planet
walking in the shadows of the empire
snow falling on cement
bustle and thrill morphed into agitation and aching arches
there's no place like home but
there's really no place like new york:
the frenzy of a billion heartbeats
and brain waves and conversations
the lives of the poor and famous intersecting underground
didn't make it above 42nd street
but it's okay
yoga was an asylum
from the speedy mind
always seeking what's next
where next, who next
scarcely able to complete one thought
before the next waterfall of people
cascade down the stairwell
and vie for their lives on the crosswalk
made new friends and kept the old
meditated in manhattan
basked in the relative calm in brooklyn
powered through brunches and shops and times square
ate systematically from every delicious cuisine possible
i do love this city
i did enjoy this spring break immensely
i am ready to return to my quiet little corner of the planet
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