poetic freedom

I Remain

2012-01-10T12:28:00.001-08:00

I
give, share, provide -
You take, use, and
Consume me whole.

I
grow, dig deep, reach out -
You gnaw, shallowly saw, and
Cut me down.

I
renew, replenish, clean -
You poison me with ignorance and
Fill me with mindless waste.

I
breath, exist, sustain -
You breathe to exist yet
Suffocate and smother me in pursuit.

I
weep, warn, even surrender -
You dig, persist, and
Rape me from the inside out.

I
weep
breathe
renew
grow
give
to remain.

Me Myself and I

2011-06-03T08:48:00.000-07:00

by Paula I., Grade 9

I can't tell you how to live your life
Nor can you mom or your dad
Or any friend you ever had.
There will be sometimes when you feel lost
But pretending to be others is not the way to go
because you are special and you have your own glow.
Some people become envious of this glow you have
So they will tell you things,
that will make things go bad.
It's because of this that you should always listen to advice
But if you don't like it
don't do it,
I cant tell you how to live your life
But this is some advice from me to you,
You can take it or leave it if you want
But there are three people that will always be there for me is
Me Myself and I

Yourself

2011-06-03T08:33:00.001-07:00

By Maria P., Grade 9

Don´t feign love
friendship or
happiness

Be yourself,
express what you feel

Don´t follow other people's paths
Make your own path

Life is full of disappointments,
open the curtains,
whip the tears off
and see the new world

Don´t be neurotic
Be unfettered

You are the writer,
of your own story.

Dear fellow friend

2011-06-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

By Sabrina R., Grade 9

Dear fellow friend,
Life`s a maze
You´ll never find the end…
But you will find the present
You will find yourself stuck in it,
Or better said,
you will see yourself enjoying it,
never try to look beyond,
never try to look back
but do feel the breeze,
that´s passing right through you,
at that moment…

Life´s not about the apple you will reach,
Life´s not about what if…
What if I fall in the climb?
Life´s about how you reach the apple,
How you climb
Each step you take,
How much force you exert between each step,
Between each obstacle,
Each challenge,
Each memory.

I wonder if you´ve heard,
That second guessing retains your will,
The will that comes from your heart,
Not from who surrounds you,
Not from exterior influences.

Believe in yourself.
Believe.
Don´t second guess,
Live the present moment,
Feel the breeze go through your skin.
Feel it.

Teenage Advice

2011-06-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

by Maria M., Grade 9

Don't take things for granted
Don't try to be ambidextrous if you are not
You can't do everything, you know
Don't do things that give you a bad feeling
Say what you need to say
Eat as much chocolate as you want
Never buy drugs, because you could be supporting Al Qaeda
Don't stay places where you get bad vibes
Do what you want
Don't let others change the way you think
Eat delicious food
Make a scene if you feel like it
Don't pretend or fake ANYTHING
Exercise
Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery
If you really want it, you can achieve it.
Be fair
Never trust anyone too much
Don't tell other people's secrets to anyone
Live in the now
Who cares about rumors?
Never lie to your best friend
Ignore people that annoy you
Try to do your homework the day it is given
Never eat skittles on a road trip
Don't try to make people like you, if they don't they won't
Try your best all the time
Be clean
Don't waste too much time on Facebook
Always have a plan
Everything ends.

My Routine

2011-05-24T13:48:00.000-07:00

by D.H., Grade 9

En las mañanas canta el gallo.
Making me rise and shine.
Waking me up from my dream.
Haya sido bueno o malo.
And then I begin my routine.
Me lavo los dientes.
I wash my hair.
I brush my teeth,
y salgo por la puerta.
To begin a new day
with a sonrisa on my face.
I don't know what to expect from today,
pero sea lo que sea.
I'll expect with open arms.
Today is a gift,
por eso le llaman presente.
And I promise to make the best out of it,
o si no, mañana es un nuevo día.
The rooster will again sing in the morning.
Giving me esperanza for a brand new day.

Unknown Future

2011-05-23T10:39:00.001-07:00

by A. C. A., Grade 9

When you are in love
Tu estas en las nubes
You forget about the rest of the gente
And there's only una persona en la cual tu piensas;
Una sola.

You wish to be with that person
Pero piensas que nunca pasara
But always remember,
Con el futuro nunca sabes que pasara.

A mi me paso eso
I thought nothing would happen
And even try to olvidarlo
But soon we find out
That we could not live without each other.

No te estoy diciendo
Que la persona you love is coming to you;
Pero algun dia the right person
Will come to you
Or you just find it

Ser paciente en el amor
is important.
You should wait for love to come to you
Pero nunca tu a el.

Last Tear

2011-02-28T16:15:00.001-08:00

Last
night
I
cried
my
last
tear

which is not to say I won't cry again

but it will be
from a different place
for a different reason

for something that is
not for something that wasn't
and was never supposed to be.

K.Renae

Ode to Basking in the Sun on a Rock

2010-07-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

by Michelle Fajkus

You are loyal like the sun
You see the leaves
Moonlit ripples
Hungry minnows
Lightning in the distance
Past the green mountains

Growth is where we overlap
Sprout with giggles; fail with intensity
Soaking up the details
A lizard scampering across the path
Bright and tiny yellow wildflowers
A white blanket with red doves
Candles flickering in a watery cave

We are content to sit
In a jade pool
Water rushing over our legs forever
Abandoning petty stresses
Inhaling presence
As we slip into the future
Smart and clueless

With the wisdom of three decades
Sadness passes
Joy lies under the water
We sit
And then move
Toward no destination
At all times

A Bent Desire

2010-05-27T11:47:00.000-07:00

I am different,
I see beyond the scheme that society puts before me.
Love is love, no matter who it is directed to, isn't it?
there's people telling me it's not that way,
they tell me it's wrong,
they tell me that we're meant to love the opposite
but what if we're tired of being misunderstood?
what if we want someone who fully understands us?
why is it wrong?
this concept has existed since the beginning of time,
we've existed since the beginning of time
feeling attracted to anyone from our species.
who are you to tell me I'm not allowed to love who I want to love?
who are you to tell me I'm not allowed to dress how I want to dress?
who are you to tell me that I am abnormal, a freak of nature?
EXACTLY... NO ONE
how am I disgusting?
how am I less?
how am I abnormal?
how are you better?
it is my right to be happy
I'm happy this way
just let me be
that's all I ever asked for,
maybe even a bit of understanding
a bit of comprehension, might help.
why give me dirty looks for what I am?
why not treat me the same for what I'm not?
believe me, it's easier to pretend
but why should I apologize for who I am?
I am just fine the way I am
and I'm not changing because of people like you
I can love who ever I want and NO ONE will stop me.
It's my decision to take;
it's my move to make
it's my choice and YOU have nothing to do with it.

~By L.S., age 14

sound advice

2010-03-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

Surround yourself with
People who motivate you
People who inspire you
People who acknowledge you
People who support your desires
And people who love you!

Stay away from
People who are jealous
People who are negative
People who blame others
And people who make light of your dreams

Surround yourself with
enlightened people who will
help you soar above your
perceived limitations and
inspire you to the success
you so rightly deserve!

-author unknown

Worst First Date

2010-03-06T06:43:00.001-08:00

Marin County on a Saturday night
Inside his house,
a stench
Yellowish light
Exposed pipes and floorboards
Glimpsed the reflection in the mirror
Startled
He described himself as sexually frustrated
"I'm sorry. Have you thought about a hooker?"
"No way, I'm not gonna spend a hundred bucks for a night on that.
Not anymore."
I suggest therapy.
Check please!

Thanks

2010-02-14T06:36:00.000-08:00

I am grateful for each inspiration, each intake of air, beat of heart, firing of neuron.

I give thanks for sweet exhalation, soft sighs, guttural giggles,

for beloved blood brothers and soul sisters.

I am grateful for the past: the moment of conception, the tornado of childhood,

the angst-ridden decade (RIP 1995-2005), for Austin swimming, London calling,

California dreaming and India, period.

I am grateful for the unknowable future.

What fearsome, exhilarating possibilities it offers daily!

I give thanks for the present of the present: a cozy bed, a loyal friend, a good book,

a passion for compassion.

I am grateful for Guatemala: guns and gardens and new friends.

I especially thank all the true gurus and Buddhas

selflessly working for the liberation of all beings.

With overwhelming gratitude, I give thanks.

What I Was, Who I Am

2010-02-06T17:10:00.001-08:00

I used to be happy. Now I am happier.

I used to be a brave Indian, a dinosaur, a cougar, a dragon, a longhorn and a soaring eagle.

Now I’m a little fish in a stream of consciousness.

I used to teach yoga, but now I remind people to breathe.

I used to teach little children, now I teach big children.

I used to live in Texas, now I live on Earth.

I used to be a cookie. Now I am a monster.

I used to practice positive thinking. Now I expect nothing.

I used to affirm things and plan my life through 2020.

Now I strive to live each moment as it comes.

I used to be a self-help book, now I am an epic poem.

I used to love deaf, dumb and blind men, now I love my dog.

I used to sell, now I have soul.

I used to sail, twirl, plea, battle and do ballet.

Now I am.

eight things i know for sure.

2010-02-06T17:09:00.001-08:00

there are a few things i know for sure, and one of them is that i am not enlightened, yet.

one of them is that yoga is not optional.

one of them is that i do not belong in texas right now.

one of them is not what's happening tonight, this december, or in 2012.

there are a few things i know for sure, and one of them is that learning your native language takes a lifetime.

one of them is that i go to extremes.

one of them is that we all have friends in high places.

one of them is that, somehow, the universe is unfolding as it should.

libro, libra, libre

2010-02-06T17:08:00.001-08:00

LIBRO

{Spanish for book}

As in letter and spaces

strung together

to slip a story

under your skin.

Voy a escribir un libro.

I am going to write a book.

Pronto.

LIBRA

{Spanish for pound}

As in unit of weight

measurement of mass in the nonmetric system

Not that I own a scale

Or want to step on one.

But, oh, to shed the shackles of chub

to do shoulderstand without staring

at my ginormous gut

this will be bliss.

Discipline and a vision

are all it takes

good thing that's what I gots.

30 by 30

30 libras by may 30, my 30th.

LIBRE

{Spanish for free}

As in liberated

from a story struggling to be sung

for untold eons

liberated from excess baggage

in the abdominal, thigh and chin regions

liberated from anxious contemplation

over regrets and old shoulds

liberated from forever leaning

into the mirage of the future

liberated from suffering

when I embrace the paradise

of aquí,

ahora.

sunday thoughts

2010-02-06T17:07:00.000-08:00

with crisp sighs

i admire the grace of a falling leaf

the satisfaction of black text filling a white page

the ant pacing in circles across my screen

forgotten favorite tracks from under the table and dreaming

my creaky knees and hips

i wander the neighborhood

lucy trails behind me

some days i greet everyone on the street

"¡buenos dias!" / "¡buenas tardes!"

today i hide behind oversized shades

and purse my lips and stare ahead

my horoscope tells me today is a five star day

for meeting someone new and special

but i am in an antisocial phase

so i go to a cafe and read

alone and content

unnoticed by a gaggle of gay guys

at the next table

read tarot at kat's palace on the hill

high thoughts despite utter sobriety

how strange it is to be living this reality

i hadn't fathomed a year ago

it's easy to get negative

absorb chismes like an IV into the bloodstream

the violencia, the poverty, the corruption

i take a step back

and realize that my guatemalan life is generally

blessed, exquisite, easy, ideal

of course i hope for visitors

no one in my family has a passport yet

everyone expresses interest

but who has the time?

embers of septembers

2010-02-06T16:11:00.001-08:00

1991

eleven

dad's 39th birthday

yellow cake in a yellow kitchen

a kodak moment

i was consumed with worry

that my dad was getting so old,

so near death

silly girl

1999

nineteen

off to london, alone

sans luggage

the texan, ever looking up

at the grey blue british skies

unknowingly growing into herself

2001

UT sophomore

clock radio blares news

as alien as a martian invasion

new york on fire, buildings crumbling

a global gasp of fear

our nation cries itself to sleep

2004

landed smack dab back in the heart of texas

spiritually wayward

post-californian apocalype

dejected, confused boredom

2009

my peers are starting to turn thirty

enjoying marriage and family and suburban pleasures

while i wander

(but am not lost)

living the dream in guate

Short, poignant reflections from NYT contributors on the events of Sept. 11, 2001, eight years on.

secret service

2010-02-06T16:01:00.001-08:00

the grass is always greener
outside institutional walls

i never thought i'd say
i miss IEPs* and ARDs
(okay, maybe not ARDs**)

i fled a land of red tape,
slow impact, mountains of shredded paper
being legally bound to mediocrity
and awoke in a spineless environment of
hush-hush contradictions
where i am to leave no paper trail
but disseminate sensitive information
via secret, psychic code

my goal is to tear down the wall
of feared stigmas and passive assistance
to declare special services need not be secret services
to map a balance between too much and not enough
ultimately, to do a good job
for the liberation of all students,
whatever their labels.

*IPG = Individualized Education Plan, a legally required document for each student eligible for Special Education services in the US public education system
**ARD = Admission/Retention/Dismissal meetings featuring discussion of the IEP, goals, progress, testing accommodations and other delightful data

One for the Road

2010-02-06T15:48:00.001-08:00

why leave?
why stay?
it is what it is
time for a stretch
a breath of different air
a vacation from my problems
which are few

but what is the goal?
only to drop everything
and sail along
as the heart grows fonder
and experience
blossoms into wisdom

by Michelle Fajkus, August 2009

This Guatemalan Life

2010-02-06T06:51:00.001-08:00

i heard

a man was murdered

yesterday afternoon

at pollo campero

(the guatemalan KFC)

mere blocks from my new home

it was appparently a hit

aim, shoot, drive away never to be caught

except by the killer's own conscience

should he have one

the victim drove a BMW

he might have been a drug dealer

i guess it doesn't matter

i sent him a prayer last night

as i cooked my first meal on our new stove

until that moment

having opted not to seek out local news

i'd tried to hope that maybe

no one had been killed since my arrival

that my good karma had obliterated violent crime

miraculously

it was a silly notion

i didn't really believe it

i haven't a clue about anything

indigenous mayan oppression eons old

scandals and mafias and blood and bulletholes

meanwhile, here i dwell in my cushy new abode

buying kitchen gadgets and laundry detergent

spending quetzales like monopoly money

ever connected to my beloveds via the world wide web

marveling at the trees and tropical flora

buenas, buenas! everyone says

and smiles wide

perhaps the prospect of imminent, random death

makes one appreciate each moment that much more

Buoyancy by Rumi

2010-02-06T06:49:00.001-08:00

Love has taken away my practices

and filled me with poetry.

I tried to keep quietly repeating

No strength but yours,

but I couldn't.

I had to clap and sing.

I used to be respectable and chaste and stable

but who can stand in this strong wind

and remember those things?

A mountain keeps an echo deep inside itself.

That's how I hold your voice.

I am scrap wood thrown in your fire,

and quickly reduced to smoke.

I saw you and became empty.

This emptiness, more beautiful than existence,

it obliterates existence, and yet when it comes,

existence thrives and creates more existence!

The sky is blue. The world is a blind man

squatting on the road.

A great soul hides like Muhammad, or Jesus,

moving through a crowd in a city

where no one knows him.

To praise is to praise

how one surrenders

to the emptiness.

To praise the sun is to praise your own eyes.

Praise, the ocean. What we say, a little ship.

So the sea-journey goes on, and who knows where!

Just to be held by the ocean is the best luck

we could have. It's a total waking up!

Why should we grieve that we've been sleeping?

It doesn't matter how long we've been unconscious.

We're groggy, but let the guilt go.

Feel the motions of tenderness

around you, the buoyancy.

{thanks to my dear, sweet friends, Michael and Daniel, for their amazingly thoughtful gift of The Essential Rumi poetry collection. This was the 2nd poem I flipped to. It was too beautiful and timely to ignore.}

scrambled eggs and tears

2010-02-06T06:47:00.001-08:00

The sky is crying today

Cooling everything off

Covering Austin in a mist of relief

From the steaming concrete

There's nothing like a good thunderstorm

There's no place like home

I am crying too

I am grasping, clutching and then letting go

I have five weeks left here

All it takes is a sad song and some raindrops

And thinking about leaving

This place I love and these people I love

Jumping off into the unknown

(Which will surely be a mind-expanding adventure)

I think of breakfast tacos and night swims and Alamo movies and yoga classes and my cozy little casita

How lucky I am

So close to my dear friends and parents and siblings

The thought of leaving is surreal, and when it hits me, I lose it

I cry with premature nostalgia

It feels good to sob a little though,

To know that I am in touch with my emotions

To mourn the home I have created in this city that I love

And trust that it will be here for me

Upon my eventual return.

In trust we trust

2010-02-04T12:09:00.000-08:00

open your heart

be willing to fall

live in your weakest areas

don't miss your life

be there for it

be here for it

don't change the channel

reach out

rotate inward

don't think about it

have patience

the answer will come

life is here to give us experiences that teach us

so-

what more is there to do but

trust?

A Farewell to India

2010-02-03T10:54:00.001-08:00

A long month, in the best way

in India, land of contradictions

where the holy and the material

the sacred and the filthy

the worshipped and the untouchables

are all neighbours

Absurd traffic

ubiquitous cow dung

black staring eyes

a hundred angry languages

hungry, barefoot children tugging at your sleeve

shopkeepers unabashedly ripping off the white folks

Fast, green rivers

stoic, wise mountains

wide smiles, greetings for all

namaste!

jule!

tashi delek!

Along the path, I've encountered

swamis wrapped in orange

south Indian self-proclaimed masters of meditation

old Indian women who spit loudly and talk openly at a silent retreat

new friends from Holland, Spain, Germany, America

travel mates from Israel, Australia, Canada

an old lover from Texas

Tibetan monks

Tibetan laypeople

Hindus, Muslims, Christians, atheists

and true yogis

The enlightenment is subtle

no great awakening

but many small pearls of wisdom

Travel does that to you,

no matter where you go

broadens the mind

narrows the focus

right down to the present moment

the exotic or the mundane

the foreign or familiar

happiness is right here.

the poetry of sarah palin

2010-01-28T02:40:00.000-08:00

on Good and evil

It is obvious to me

Who the good guys are in this one

And who the bad guys are.

The bad guys are the ones

Who say Israel is a stinking corpse,

And should be wiped off

The face of the earth.

That’s not a good guy.

on Reporters

It’s funny that

A comment like that

Was kinda made to,

I don’t know,

You know…

Reporters.

To Katie Couric, CBS News, 9-25-2008

========

you can’t Blink

You can’t blink.

You have to be wired

In a way of being

So committed to the mission,

The mission that we’re on,

Reform of this country,

And victory in the war,

You can’t blink.

So I didn’t blink.

outside

I am a Washington outsider.

I mean,

Look at where you are.

I’m a Washington outsider.

I do not have those allegiances

To the power brokers,

To the lobbyists.

We need someone like that.

challenge to a cynic

You are a cynic.

Because show me where

I have ever said

That there’s absolute proof

That nothing that man

Has ever conducted

Or engaged in,

Has had any effect,

Or no effect,

On climate change.

To Charles Gibson, ABC News, 9-11-2008

========

Haiku

These corporations.

Today it was AIG,

Important call, there.

Befoulers of the Verbiage
It was an unfair attack on the verbiage
That Senator McCain chose to use,
Because the fundamentals,
As he was having to explain afterwards,
He means our workforce.
He means the ingenuity of the American.
And of course that is strong,
And that is the foundation of our economy.
So that was an unfair attack there,
Again based on verbiage.

Small Mayors

You know,
Small mayors,
Mayors of small towns—
Quote, unquote—
They‘re on the front lines.

To Sean Hannity, Fox News, 9-19-2008

underwater goddess

2010-01-27T14:07:00.000-08:00

stand at the edge

gaze at the water

flutter butterflies

second-guess

inhale deeply

plunge

dive

gasp

marvel

baptize

wash away corporate sins

propel

amplify

breathe

be alone with the unnamable source

transform

swim!

Ode to Eagle River

2010-01-27T11:16:00.000-08:00

Here I awake with a joyous breath

And drift to sleep in peaceful rest
A choir of pines and aspens sing
Their great strong trunks ever towering

Mr. Blue Heron glides across the satin lake
His perfect neck curved like a snake
Even if you wanted to fret or worry
The loons would say slow down, don't hurry

Audrey writes poems in sweet, thoughtful rhyme
And peruses my prose with her wise, kind eye
With books in hand to the pier we walk
Ever engaged in placid picnic talk
So little to do, so much to say
With long missed friends the day whiles away

We swim and lounge in a sunset snapshot
As if unearthed from an ancient treasure spot
The leaves turn lime in the fading sun
When did doing nothing become so much fun?

With effortlessness in the brisk summer air
These sacred north woods are a true yogi's lair
Spontaneous union of the self and nature
All elements combine to make the mind most clear

Oh Aldridge Lake, oh Audrey, oh Skip
I could not have fathomed a more ideal trip
If I could dwell here for the rest of time
I think that would be absolutely sublime

life or death

2010-01-27T04:01:00.000-08:00

in 1989, i developed an acute fear of death
because that's what people do
at the age
of enlightenment
to the fact
that this precious life ends

i couldn't bear to leave the house
obsessed about eternity
eternally
because
death happens
and no one knows what it means
but why not believe in heaven?
why not believe in rebirth?
reincarnation?
reinvention?

my most tragic memories:
a tornado hitting my school
lightning striking our house
getting the phone call that makes everything cease:
family members in wreck, helicoptered to hospital

i'm lucky
to have avoided intimacy with sudden death
except for my childhood kitties,
spice and peppy,
who died before their time
under the wheels of fast cars
and tiki, the first chihuahua,
her delicate bones crushed by accident

now, buddha challenges me to ponder life and death
in a new and ordinary way
to contemplate the bardo realms
and compassionately wish for freedom from suffering
for all beings
no exceptions
to meditate on impermanence
and to know death
all while staying present
and living most fully

nueva york city

2010-01-27T03:57:00.000-08:00

a full parade of days
walking in the shadows of the empire
snow falling on cement
bustle and thrill morphed into agitation and aching arches

there's no place like home but
there's really no place like new york:
the frenzy of a billion heartbeats
and brain waves and conversations
the lives of the poor and famous intersecting underground

didn't make it above 42nd street
but it's okay
yoga was an asylum
from the speedy mind
always seeking what's next
where next, who next
scarcely able to complete one thought
before the next waterfall of people
cascade down the stairwell
and vie for their lives on the crosswalk

made new friends and kept the old
meditated in manhattan
basked in the relative calm in brooklyn
powered through brunches and shops and times square
ate systematically from every delicious cuisine possible

i do love this city
i did enjoy this spring break immensely
i am ready to return to my quiet little corner of the planet

my flight

2010-01-25T11:41:00.001-08:00

woke up from a dream

in which i was a witch

in plainclothes

propelling myself at will

high into the storm clouds

the ground far below

brown and unwanted

i smiled down on the evergreen trees

no one could do what i could

no one noticed

and i didn't care

woke up on a sunlit morning

sad and confused

dwelling on my middle class woes

and unable to fly

flipped through the material world

saw smiling children in africa

whose bright teeth made me cry

and feel guilty and grateful

and wish that they could fly

oh, that i could meet them high in the sky

this too shall pass

2010-01-25T11:39:00.000-08:00

i'm a little depressed

chilly grey listless perplexed

but not overwhelmingly so

haven't been bedridden sad in years

and for that i am eternally grateful

now i look at the downswing

i am the witness at a distance

i see my patterns

i notice my obsession with perfecting friendships

in my desire to maintain the illusion of control

i seek love and then reject affections

i pursue the unattainable

knowing, on some level, that i won't get it

because, on some level, i don't want it

wanting it and getting it would then mean

COMMITMENT

(gasp!)

...a fate worse than solitude?

humble pie

2010-01-25T11:20:00.000-08:00

humility is remembering

life is complex beyond complex

concepts are pointing to the moon

and i know nothing

i am no better and no worse

than a fern

or a calf

or a clerk

or a star

i am nothing and everything

simultaneously

the biggest loser and

the champion of the day

gates of hell

2010-01-24T07:48:00.000-08:00

the charming new president
is sending my baby to war

he's already distant
now they're taking him further
away

at first I refused to believe
but he's not lying
my eyes flood
my throat strangles words
my head echoes
what will I do?
how will I feel?
thank god we don't have a baby
I will be okay
I will be safe

then i step outside my gargantuan ego
and the tears are for he who tells me
so matter of fact
it's his duty
he must go
not to worry
he will be fine

my grandfathers fought forty years before i was born
i heard stories
i read articles
i saw the grainy footage
photographs in life magazine
those towers burning and collapsed
now it hits me like it never hit before
in this bleak moment
all wars became real and fearsome

i cry for the brave millions before and now
marching to the gates of hell
into an exploding desert
lonely and wiling to shed their comfort
their blood
their existence
for me

the charming new president will send my love to war
i don't know if it will ever come back
but i know it will never die

--Michelle Margaret, January 2009

the guest house by rumi

2010-01-23T04:21:00.000-08:00

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

you know

2010-01-23T04:09:00.000-08:00

knowledge is what we learn in school.
it's useful and good.
it's facts and opinions, causes and effects, formulas and literature.
it's mathematical and scientific, linguistic and societal.
it's where you grew up, who your closest relatives are, what church you went to as a kid.
it's the color of your skin, and the natural color of your hair.
it's chemistry, quantum physics and neurobiological rhythms.
yes, knowledge is power.
but knowledge is also in a book.

knowing is what we learn from experience.
by doing. feeling.
living.
knowing is wisdom in action.
it is your first downward dog of the day.
it is applying lessons learned first-hand to future choices and activities.
it's poetic and simple.
it's common sense and esoteric.
it is breathing, beating, every second.
knowing is moving through days with intuition more than fear, openness more than barriers.
knowing is trusting in your own divine power as well as the divine nature of the universe.
knowing is dropping the ego, dropping competition, possessions, obsessions, just being.

gone

2010-01-21T11:41:00.000-08:00

there isn't and wasn't and probably
won't be
anything that can define
the here and now.

or the yesterday or tomorrow.

smallest joys and sorrows
giant laughs and tears.

they happen.
they pass.

something else comes.

with no words left to describe.
or define.

was / is / will be

2010-01-19T13:26:00.000-08:00

life exists in this present heartbeat

and yet relationships are built
upon the dead past

trust fosters openness, surrender
distrust builds fortresses of bitterness
selective memory colors things too simply
all rosy smiles and rainbow orgasms
blue frowns and stormy arguments

if it takes three, eighteen or a trillion more lessons
no matter
I (am learning / will learn)
the past can never be recreated
the future can never be known
nor should they be
that lesson is liberating every time
cause it propels me back here
to the eternal IS

uptown, upstate, up

2010-01-18T18:41:00.000-08:00

Upstate, rain is cleansing me
after a day in New York
city of filthy opportunity
people crawling out of skyscrapers

In Manhattan, I am Texan
more than anything else

I want the Hudson Valley in me
like Taos' pink sunsets and blue gravel
like lush Mexico the summer I flowed with fluency
like Austin, breakfast tacos, Lone Stars and all

Most of all, I want India in me
real yoga pulsing through my veins
Not in scrapbook memories
in my skin
A part of me, por siempre

--Michelle Fajkus, June 2008

Mirror, Mirror

2010-01-18T14:13:00.000-08:00

I recently read
a soulmate is not your perfect match
but rather a mirror
that reflects all holding you back.

I looked to him to see myself
but avoided the eyes peering at me
from the shallow, reflective glass.
Taunting. Judging. Begging.
Screaming and Scratching to be heard.
To be seen. To be free.

Cold. Hard. Unforgiving. Impenetrable. Deflective.
I want to destroy your image.
I am going to shatter your surface in search of depth.
I have broken you into unrepairable pieces
and cut many.

I am sorry.
Sorry I ignored you and looked the other way.
Sorry I did to you
what I thought others were doing to me.

I see you now.
You are not my enemy.
You are the eyes from which I can now clearly see.
You are my soul.
We are free.
I am free.

- K.Renae

hasta pronto (until soon)

2010-01-17T19:06:00.000-08:00

literal translations are cause for great laughter and confusion
learning new languages,
the queer tongues of the exotic indigenous
begin to understand
open, soften, warm up
let loose
whoop

when i was learning spanish
and was first told, "hasta pronto,"
i thought, "until soon?"
a better translation might be
see you soon.

until soon.
i like the juxtaposition.
until soon is where my mind always wants to go
my ego is way ahead of me.
until soon is the greener grass
until soon is not as great as you thought it would be.

but whatever.
hasta pronto.

the home stretch

2010-01-17T19:02:00.000-08:00

twenty days left this year
sun is setting on the third grade
my heart is filled with nostalgia
my mind with annoyance
thinking (just SHUT UP!!)
and then sweetness returns.

I will cry on the last day
I will write an epilogue on the plane to Boston
and read Anna Karenina all the way to India
I will spend 24 hours
straight
up in the air.

stop making up theories
teaching theories
writing about theories.
opting instead for
the bountiful yellow wildflowers
under a big, blue Texas sky.

nothing's better than
raspberry shaved ice
practical world travel
and creative completion.

--Michelle Fajkus, May 2008

amor & libertad (love & freedom)

2010-01-17T18:52:00.000-08:00

staring at the Pacific from a white cliff
i kinda want to swan dive
but it's rocky down there
just say no to suicide

in lieu, i fall backwards
through the time-space continuum
to the red womb
to a girl's bedroom, three shades of pink
smoking stolen cigarettes
knowing not how to inhale
upside down
and stood up

loves found and lost
ultimate liberation
casting off handcuffs
screaming with abandon
how can such a life of fullness
be so empty?

going away for awhile
i'll let you know
cuando llegaré
(when i arrive).

poetic freedom philosophy

2010-01-16T05:30:00.000-08:00

the world can use more poems.

i thought it'd be cool to create a space where cool people can publish poems of any style and subject matter for each other to read. as much as i adore writing and reading prose, there's something especially liberating about poetry.

poems don't have to rhyme. but they can.
they can be about anything.
all you gotta do
is feel
and then write something
with funky line breaks
and you are
a magic poet.

Deity

2010-01-16T05:15:00.000-08:00

Deity is the fruit placed before Buddha.
Remembering you are a buddha.
It is the body and blood;
We lift them up to the Lord.
The father, the sun and the holy spirit.
Deity is endless aching asylum.
Deity is a child.
And laughing.
It is the keys on my typewriter
who sit so patiently until inspiration comes
so that they may whizz through space
landing
-- splat! --
to be part of a word, a sentence, a paragraph
A story.
Deity is our daily bread,
the life that keeps flowing
through our veins and lungs and hearts.